Getting Frodo's Attention: Sam's Plan
by Wubba-duckie
Summary: After watching Legally Blonde, Sam gets an idea how to get Frodo for himself. What is it?? Find out...and review, please!! n.n
1. Sam is Sad

Disclaimer: No, I don't own the characters of LOTR. It'd be really funny if I did. I could make them do whatever I wanted.....but, unfortunately, I don't! To make it simple, I don't own anything! ...Nor do I own the Bend/Snap manuever.  
  
A/N: I got this idea while reading a fic that was like this, but with CCS characters instead.  
  
Then I read about Legolas being a blonde. I instantly thought of LOTR! So sue me if this  
  
sucks. I'm not good at writing humorous stuff.  
  
One more thing, try to imagine a hobbit world with cinemarks and all the techno stuff of  
  
today, but somehow also with all the hobbit surroundings! It'll be easier to see it that way.  
  
Keys:  
  
(( )) my notes  
  
( ) narrator notes  
  
~Sam is sad~  
  
One boring morning after elevensies, the three hobbits, Merry, Pip, and Sam, were trying to decide  
  
what to do with their time of nothingness.  
  
"So, my fellow hobbits((think of Pip a bit smarter than usual))what shall we do with our time of  
  
nothingness?" Pip asked in a way-too-cheery manner.  
  
"Oh, I don't know Pip, let's stick your head in a well. Would that satisfy you?" Merry replied with a  
  
hint of sarcasm in his voice.  
  
"Come on, we have to do something! I know! Let's go to the movies!" Pip got out a piece of newspaper  
  
with the movie listings at the dollar theater. (Hobbits never did carry much money)  
  
"Say Sam, what would you like to see? There's something called Big Daddy. Hey Merry! Maybe that's  
  
what you should watch!" Pip exclaimed excitedly. Merry was going to be a daddy soon. He was one of  
  
the few 'straight' hobbits.  
  
Merry leaped up. "Shut your mouth, Pip, or I'll get Gandalf to show what you get to watch." Pip widened  
  
his eyes and slumped away from Merry.  
  
Merry continued."So, buttercheeks, what u wanna see? Hurry it up, we don't got all day."  
  
Sam grumbled, "For the millionth time, don't call me buttercheeks! And I don't care what to see."  
  
Pip and Merry just shrugged and Pip went on naming off all the movies.  
  
In the middle of calling them out, Sam lit up and yelled, "OOO!! I wanna see that one!! Legally Blonde!!!!!!!! Can we invite Mr. Frodo also??"  
  
Merry replied, "uh..sure...."  
  
Sam pranced around. "Oh yes! Oh yes! Mr. Frodo will love it!!"  
  
********************************  
  
At Frodo's home((i 4got where that is, don't kill me!!))  
  
"Sorry mates, I'm rather busy and I can't go fooling around at some theater. See you around friends."  
  
and with that, Frodo closed his door in front of their faces.  
  
Sam started bawling,"Mr. Frodo doesn't want to come along with me for a movie? Oh, how dreadful!  
  
Did I do something wrong??"  
  
Pip confronted the chubby hobbit, "Now, now there, Frodo is just busy. We musn't think that. Now  
  
it's time to go to the movies!! Last one there is a gay hobbit!!" Pip ran ahead, trying to cheer up ol'  
  
Sam.  
  
Coincidentally(or was it?) Sam was the last one farthest from the cinemark,trudging along the dirt path  
  
thinking why the hell Mr. Frodo didn't want to go to the movies with him.  
  
A/N: Did you like? I can't find anyplace to add humor right now! The next one*should* be funny, as ||SPOILER 2 NEXT CHAP||: Sam figures out a way to get Frodo's attention!! 


	2. After the Movies

Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Bend and Snap technique..I wonder who does? o.O? Anyways, I don't own the LOTR characters in this film either.  
  
A/N: I'm not very good with humor. I'm more of a serious type person. If you want funnies, visit my (insane) friends, like Peep Geek 101! I'll try my *very* best at doing humor, even if this is my first one. Well, synopsis of 1st chapter: Sam feels neglected by Frodo (awww....not!) Wonder what he'll do??? OoO...  
  
o yea, almost forgot. I'm not gonna actually tell about them watching Legally Blonde, cuz that's just..well, i'm not!  
  
~After the movies~  
  
"Like, oh my god! That was SOOO good!" Sam was in a particularly happy mood.  
  
Merry and Pippin both said, "I guess it was ok for a chick flick.."  
  
Sam defends the movie, "It is NOT a chick flick!! I personally loved it! Especially Elle's black Prada shoes and exquisite suit from Bloomingdale's. I once saw one for only $399 and wanted to buuy it for myself, but you know us hobbits don't carry that much money..." Sam rambled on and on, it looked like he forgot about Pip and Merry.  
  
"Uhh...Hey, Sam?" Merry cautiously asked. Both him and Pippin were officially scared of what Sam was talking about.  
  
"Ohhhh, Sam? Hello? Sa-am? BUTTERCHEEKS!!!" Merry got a little annoyed from being ignored.  
  
Sam stopped in mid-sentence about satin sheets.(*cough* oh my...) "Hey! Don't ever call me buttercheeks again!! I may not have the smallest butt, but I have been working my..."  
  
Pip stopped Sam from going on, "OkAy now! No need to go into detail! Now, Sam, why did you like that movie so very much? You didn't seem happy in the beginning!"  
  
Sam then changed his behavior and started acting all shy and benevolent. "Ohh, no real reason..it was just..very *interesting*, you could say.((interesting, indeed....))"  
  
Merry caught on to what Sam's deal was. "Oh! I got it! You're in love with Frodo and want him to get it on with ya, but he's avoiding you, ain't that right, Sammy-boy?"  
  
"How'd you know?? I didn't tell anyone!! Who else knows?? This is horrible! What if Mr. Frodo knows??" Sam was panicking.  
  
"I was being sarcastic..but..okay...." Merry got a weird look on his face. "did know you were gay..."  
  
"Well, I am!"  
  
Pip jumped into the conversation,"So what do you need help with Sam?"  
  
Sam, once again, started to blush and rub his feet together on the floor. "Well, you see, when I saw the movie, and where Paulette((is that right?)) needed help, you know, I just, you know, kind of, well.."  
  
Pip and Merry got impatient. "GET ON WITH IT!!!"  
  
Sam let it all out((i'm talking about his plan..not anything else..n.n))."I want to learn how to do the Bend and Snap to get Mr. Frodo to notice me!! okay!! gosh!! I wish he would once, tell me how beautiful I look! I take time into primping myself, you know! Ol' Legolas isn't the only one!!" He put on a pouty face and sat roughly on the ground, like a baby. "Go ahead and have your little laughs"  
  
Pip and Merry were silent. Then bursts and snorts of laughter came and lasted for 25 minutes.  
  
While Merry was crying, he managed to say, "Sure, buddy! We'll help teach you the Bend and Snap!"  
  
Pip stopped."We will?"  
  
"Of course we will!"  
  
"Okay!!"  
  
"You guys would do that for me?"  
  
"No, we wanna see you guys (makes quotation marks with his fingers) "together".  
  
Fortunately for Pip/Merry, Sam didn't get it. "Well, meet me at Bilbo's house in an hour. "  
  
"Okay!"  
  
~Bilbo's House an hour later~  
  
All 3 hobbits, plus Bilbo, and surprisingly(not really) Gandalf were all in Bilbo's living room, with all the furniture and stuff moved out of the way, to create a big empty space in the center of the room. Legolas and Aragorn were practicing something else((i can't think of anything else)) in the next room and would regularly come in to see what they would be doing.  
  
Pip and Merry put on some dance music in the background, at the a softer volume than average.  
  
"Now, today, kids, we will learn the amazing technique of the Bend and Snap." Merry loved being boss.  
  
Pip returned to his "normal" self. "Oh, goody!! The bend and snap!! yay!! what fun!!"  
  
Gandalf hits him with his cane thingy, muttering, "Fool of a Took."  
  
Merry clears his throat and says, "Okay, well, first, you bend down, like this(bends down), pretend you dropped something and pick it up, don't bend you knees too much, and then snap back up with your hands curved like a dogs near your body. (shows how it is) Now all of you try it."  
  
*Dance music is turned up louder*  
  
"Perfect, Pip!"  
  
"Amazing, Bilbo, a bit more bend in the back..oh, you can't reach that far? Hm, well, that was good!"  
  
"Come on, Sam! More snap and less bend!"  
  
"Uhh, Gandalf? Maybe you shouldn't be doing this...."  
  
"Sam, work that body! Down...and up! Good try! Do more!"  
  
"Um, okay, let's put your arms higher up.."  
  
"Okay! Now everyone, gather round and let's help Sam, since it's his plan.Okay Sam, do one for us."  
  
Sam bends down, sticking his butt out and then snaps back up with his arms near his..uh..big chest.  
  
"Hmm..something's wrong with this picture."(Sam is still in his snap postion)  
  
Pip exclaims, "Maybe it's just his big, fat..." Merry hits him on the head! "Shut up!"  
  
"Well, that'll do, so everyone! Let's do our celebration Bend and Snaps for Sam's plan!" Merry claps his hand and more dance/exercise music is on full volume.  
  
*Everyone doing weird Bend and Snaps.*  
  
Finale: All of the hobbits, Bilbo, and even Gandalf does a final Bend and Snap(for Gandalf, it's more of a crouch and stand up) and then music ends with a bang.  
  
Legolas strides in, carrying a bow, trying to shoot at a flying skunk that came in, but stops abrubtly when seeing what they were doing. He smiled a great big smile and said in a gay, girly voice, "OH! MY! GOD! The Bend and Snap!! Works EVERY time!!!" He then did his own bend and snap, which by the way, was perfect and lept away towards the flying skunk and his friends.  
  
A long silent pause.  
  
Bilbo clears his throat, claps his hand, and says, "Well, Sam! I think you've done a very nice job on your plan. So I shall say, the best of luck to you!!"  
  
Sam smiled sheepishly, "Heh..thanks!"  
  
"Well, we better get going and tomorrow morning, we will experience the experience that will be the experience of a lifetime!!!!" Pip said.  
  
"HOO-RAH!!!" All the hobbits leaped up and skipped to their homes, in which tomrrow will be the day they will see the spectacle of Sam doing the Bend and Snap for Frodo.  
  
A/N: I can't help it!! I'm making this so long!!! I'm sorry! I'll try to finish it up in the next chapter. I hate long chapters!! Well, hehe!!! Watcha think?? Please review!!! Humorous?Â¿? Hope so! I tried my best!! 


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